One of the things expats learn very quickly after moving to another country is how radically cultures can differ from each other. Some of the differences we can anticipate, but other differences surprise us. Take, for example, the matter of politeness. What is polite and acceptable in one culture can be very inappropriate or off-setting in another.
Before arriving in Indonesia for the first time, I had read that I should avoid using my left hand and that I should never be on time for a social event. What I didn’t expect was for people to ask me questions that seemed far too personal. After learning my name and where I was from, Indonesians would frequently ask me what my salary was. They also wanted to know why I wasn’t married yet. Whenever I attended a wedding, someone would always ask, “Are you going to be next?” After getting married, I was relieved not to have to field that question anymore! My joy was short-lived, though, because then the question became, “Are you pregnant yet?” After all, everyone wants a child within the first year of marriage.
When you walk down the street, don’t be surprised if people ask, “Mau kemana?” (Where are you going?} or ask with a touch of disapproval, “Kok, sendirian?” (You’re alone?) or “Kok, jalan - kenapa tidak diantar?” (Why are you walking instead of getting a ride?). These questions are just meant to be greetings, and people don’t expect detailed answers. Neither do they expect you to accept their invitation when they call out, “Mampir dulu!” (Stop by for a visit!) as you are passing by.
When Indonesians greet someone they haven’t seen for some time, they invariably make comments about the person’s appearance. It would be wonderful to hear, “Gee, you look great!” but more commonly it’s “You look fat!” or “You’ve certainly put on weight since I saw you last!” – something we weight-conscious Westerners just love to hear. Indonesians mean it as a compliment, though. What they are really saying, they insist, is that you look healthy.
And then when you return from a trip, don’t be surprised if people ask you, “Oleh-oleh mana?” or “What did you bring back for me?” When I first came to Indonesia, I used to take that comment seriously. Now I just shrug or smile lightheartedly and ask, “Oh, hasn’t it arrived yet? I mailed it to you from Singapore over a week ago.”
So, what can you do to ensure smooth sailing when you arrive in a new culture? First, learn the common expressions of politeness. Know which remarks and questions in your new culture are commonly used as greetings, and accept them for what they are. Second, keep reminding yourself that cultures differ. Expect the unexpected! Relax and enjoy the element of surprise!
Before arriving in Indonesia for the first time, I had read that I should avoid using my left hand and that I should never be on time for a social event. What I didn’t expect was for people to ask me questions that seemed far too personal. After learning my name and where I was from, Indonesians would frequently ask me what my salary was. They also wanted to know why I wasn’t married yet. Whenever I attended a wedding, someone would always ask, “Are you going to be next?” After getting married, I was relieved not to have to field that question anymore! My joy was short-lived, though, because then the question became, “Are you pregnant yet?” After all, everyone wants a child within the first year of marriage.
When you walk down the street, don’t be surprised if people ask, “Mau kemana?” (Where are you going?} or ask with a touch of disapproval, “Kok, sendirian?” (You’re alone?) or “Kok, jalan - kenapa tidak diantar?” (Why are you walking instead of getting a ride?). These questions are just meant to be greetings, and people don’t expect detailed answers. Neither do they expect you to accept their invitation when they call out, “Mampir dulu!” (Stop by for a visit!) as you are passing by.
When Indonesians greet someone they haven’t seen for some time, they invariably make comments about the person’s appearance. It would be wonderful to hear, “Gee, you look great!” but more commonly it’s “You look fat!” or “You’ve certainly put on weight since I saw you last!” – something we weight-conscious Westerners just love to hear. Indonesians mean it as a compliment, though. What they are really saying, they insist, is that you look healthy.
And then when you return from a trip, don’t be surprised if people ask you, “Oleh-oleh mana?” or “What did you bring back for me?” When I first came to Indonesia, I used to take that comment seriously. Now I just shrug or smile lightheartedly and ask, “Oh, hasn’t it arrived yet? I mailed it to you from Singapore over a week ago.”
So, what can you do to ensure smooth sailing when you arrive in a new culture? First, learn the common expressions of politeness. Know which remarks and questions in your new culture are commonly used as greetings, and accept them for what they are. Second, keep reminding yourself that cultures differ. Expect the unexpected! Relax and enjoy the element of surprise!