“Why do you Americans always have to show your anger?” an Indonesian colleague asked me as we were leaving the campus one day. Why he was asking this, I had no idea, but his question spoke volumes about his own upbringing as a Javanese.
Anger is not an American value, of course, but I knew what he meant. What we Americans value is directness, openness, and emotional honesty. Unlike many Asians, we have not been taught to mask our emotions but to express our feelings and opinions openly. Most Javanese children, on the other hand, are taught to control their emotions and hide their true feelings for the sake of harmony.
To outsiders, the Javanese seem warm and friendly, always ready with a smile. Their sunny nature doesn’t always come naturally to them, however. In fact, many Javanese put a lot of thought and effort into looking amiable. To make life harmonious and pleasant for everyone, they try to avoid conflict at all costs.
Perhaps they worry so about conflict avoidance because they reside in one of the most densely populated areas of the world. Accustomed to living in close quarters, the people of Central Java, where I live, love the hustle and bustle of crowds and human contact which those of us from less populated regions of the world find disturbing if not oppressive. They would rather go to a tourist site like Borobudur temple on a Sunday when there are swarms of tourists than during the work week when it is far more quiet and peaceful. To live in the Australian outback or on a ranch in the Big Sky Country of Montana would not be an appealing prospect for most Javanese!
Avoiding conflict is also important because most Javanese do not see themselves as individuals but as members of a community. Maintaining harmony within that community is essential. Proper harmonious social interaction demands courtesy and emotional self-control – which means no open display of anger.
To maintain surface harmony, most Javanese prefer to approach issues indirectly or even avoid them altogether. Since they feel that criticism is destabilizing and even harmful, they use more subtle and indirect means of getting their message across. Rather than criticizing openly, they might give a hint or go through a third party. Those from other cultures who are used to more open and direct communication may miss the point entirely. To appear agreeable, some Javanese prefer to say what they think others want to hear rather than what they really feel themselves. Foreigners, then, need to become skilled at reading between the lines.
Hmmmm, maybe I ought to put those skills into practice myself. Just what did my friend mean when he asked, “Why do you Americans always have to show your anger?” I’d better think about that.
Anger is not an American value, of course, but I knew what he meant. What we Americans value is directness, openness, and emotional honesty. Unlike many Asians, we have not been taught to mask our emotions but to express our feelings and opinions openly. Most Javanese children, on the other hand, are taught to control their emotions and hide their true feelings for the sake of harmony.
To outsiders, the Javanese seem warm and friendly, always ready with a smile. Their sunny nature doesn’t always come naturally to them, however. In fact, many Javanese put a lot of thought and effort into looking amiable. To make life harmonious and pleasant for everyone, they try to avoid conflict at all costs.
Perhaps they worry so about conflict avoidance because they reside in one of the most densely populated areas of the world. Accustomed to living in close quarters, the people of Central Java, where I live, love the hustle and bustle of crowds and human contact which those of us from less populated regions of the world find disturbing if not oppressive. They would rather go to a tourist site like Borobudur temple on a Sunday when there are swarms of tourists than during the work week when it is far more quiet and peaceful. To live in the Australian outback or on a ranch in the Big Sky Country of Montana would not be an appealing prospect for most Javanese!
Avoiding conflict is also important because most Javanese do not see themselves as individuals but as members of a community. Maintaining harmony within that community is essential. Proper harmonious social interaction demands courtesy and emotional self-control – which means no open display of anger.
To maintain surface harmony, most Javanese prefer to approach issues indirectly or even avoid them altogether. Since they feel that criticism is destabilizing and even harmful, they use more subtle and indirect means of getting their message across. Rather than criticizing openly, they might give a hint or go through a third party. Those from other cultures who are used to more open and direct communication may miss the point entirely. To appear agreeable, some Javanese prefer to say what they think others want to hear rather than what they really feel themselves. Foreigners, then, need to become skilled at reading between the lines.
Hmmmm, maybe I ought to put those skills into practice myself. Just what did my friend mean when he asked, “Why do you Americans always have to show your anger?” I’d better think about that.